Factors Affecting the Emotions of First-Time Mothers.

saving; not understanding each other; due to too much work, women cannot complete housework; lack of experience in childcare; daily activities...

With a new member appearing, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law also changes. Conflicts often occur more than before, but all conflicts after having grandchildren mainly revolve around the issue of children. Although there are certain changes, conflicts also appear more often. But since having grandchildren, in addition to the mother-in-law becoming: more difficult, more attentive; busier and more concerned, grandmothers when having grandchildren in the house become "happier" (42%/57 subjects); closer, more sympathetic and sharing with their children than before. Although in two generations, there are different perspectives on how to raise young children, according to research results of psychologists, young children living with grandparents are always left with invaluable educational and traditional moral lessons that others cannot do.

2. Factors affecting the emotions of first-time mothers .

Having a child is a big turning point for women, their psychology changes a lot. They experience emotions that are sometimes strong and clear, sometimes fleeting and vague. Those emotions are also influenced by different factors. There will be many factors that affect the mother's emotions: economy, regional culture, optimism, happiness... but within the limits of the topic, we only consider the following factors:

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2.1. Parents' psychological preparation for the birth of a child

Within the limits of the topic, we only conducted research on mothers in “wedding”. When they got married, according to our research, mothers had a clear plan for their pregnancy, only a few did not plan. Starting from pregnancy, they prepared for the best development for their children from

in the womb, diet, listening to music, working and sleeping properly. They are always ready to welcome their baby with love, expectation and everything is ready. In fact, most mothers, about 1 month before giving birth, prepare everything for their baby: clothes, diapers, milk, shoes, medicine... very carefully for their "angel" when the baby is born. This careful preparation, both mentally and physically, is clearly shown when the mother first welcomes her baby into her warm embrace, she feels "truly happy" (56.7%).

The birth of a child is psychologically prepared by the mother, not too surprising. Right from the time of pregnancy, they always try to keep a comfortable and happy mentality so that the child will not be affected later. According to the research results of scientists, they prove that if during pregnancy the mother is not comfortable, often irritable, sad, ... later the child will be greatly affected.

The first time welcoming a child is a process of psychological, health, economic, and other conditions preparation for parents. With good psychological and knowledge preparation when the child is born, they will easily overcome negative emotions and face it. Without prior preparation, the mother will easily fall into surprise and confusion in a specific situation. There are even young mothers who lead to postpartum depression - this case is not much, but it also says that without psychological preparation, it is easy to fall into unwanted things.

Even though they have prepared for a long time, when it comes time to give birth, they still cannot help but worry and wonder, will giving birth be as easy as everyone else? Will the baby be healthy? These feelings suddenly come because the mother is too nervous and anxious, unable to control and balance her emotions.

When asked about this psychological preparation, Ms. M said: “Since I was pregnant, I have read many books about child-rearing knowledge, and also anticipated what would happen to me. Asking grandparents and friends who had children before, they knew that raising children would be very difficult. A good child is better, but a fussy child, a lazy eater, or a sick child is out of the question. I understand that, but giving birth is still confusing and worrying. When I was pregnant, I was already very tired from morning sickness, and when I gave birth, I was in pain and struggled. There is nothing more tiring than that. However, in reality, raising children is much more difficult than being pregnant, compared to what I knew and thought before.”

Through the documents and websites we obtained, we found that: the majority of mothers who give birth and then raise their children share the same thoughts as Ms. M.

In short, psychological preparation greatly affects a mother's emotions when welcoming her child for the first time, in every situation that the mother will have to go through.

2.2. The husband's care and sharing during pregnancy:

When pregnant, women's bodies change a lot, and their psychology also changes. During this period, women are very sensitive, easily hurt, and angry. At this time, they need special attention from their husbands. The husband's care and sharing gives pregnant women a comfortable and secure mentality for the best development of the child in the couple's womb. Many wives, when pregnant, are pampered by their husbands, who care for them, find out what to feed them, what music to let the "angel" in their womb listen to so that the child can develop comprehensively in all aspects of both body and mind. Normally, when pregnant, women's bodies are easily tired, uncomfortable, and their psychology is easily hurt. During pregnancy and child-rearing, women cannot do everything by themselves and need a lot of help and sharing from their husbands. Mothers should proactively discuss with their husbands about

knowledge about pregnancy and child rearing. To help her husband understand her hardships and difficulties, he is willing to share when she has difficulties.

The husband shares with his wife during pregnancy as well as prepares her mentally, giving her strength to welcome the couple's "beloved child". In fact, when a pregnant woman is shared a lot by her husband, after having a child, she is less likely to experience too much stress, excessive anxiety, and not fall into a state of fear, anger, etc. This caring and sharing is just the first step, but it is extremely important for the mother's psychology later on.

2.3. Psychological characteristics of the child

Each child is born with its own physical characteristics, and this factor also affects the mother's emotions. The mother is often worried, stressed, sad, tired... depending on whether the child is weak or strong, often sick, has a fever, sleeps easily, has trouble sleeping, or is restless... Reality shows that there are sick children who often cry, are lazy to eat, and have trouble sleeping. There are children who eat well but have trouble sleeping, and every time they sleep, their parents have to rock them to sleep for a long time. It is these characteristics of each child that make the mother often anxious, stressed, and tired. When the child's body is not healthy, the mother is always worried about the child, upset about this. Sometimes the child is sick, lazy to eat, and is always "snoring" and not feeling secure about the child. When the child's body is not good or is often restless, the mother can easily become irritable and depressed.

When talking about this issue, Ms. Ng shared: “My child is very fussy! After eating, I still feel uneasy. There are days when my child just finished eating and threw up everything, I am always worried, sometimes I even feel stressed about this. My child is extremely fussy, every day I see him throw up, I am both happy and strange. Before eating, cooking for him, my mind is always confused, wondering if he will be able to keep it after eating? In a month, I buy 7-8 boxes of milk, of which I deduct

I went through almost 4 boxes. I'm so sad, if only my child ate and drank less, I would be so happy.

On the contrary, if the child is healthy, has good resistance, rarely gets sick, eats and sleeps easily, the mother certainly does not have to be too sad, stressed or tired when the child is sick. The mother is always happy, comfortable and assured about the child. Whenever the child is sick, the mother is able to stay calm, alert and take good care of the child as usual.

In fact, there are couples who often quarrel and have conflicts just because their children are often sick. Normally, they are happy and cheerful, but when their children are sick, they argue and scold each other, blaming this and that, blaming the husband, blaming the wife, the grandparents blame the daughter-in-law, the daughter-in-law blames the grandparents. All the disagreements and conflicts also come from this situation of the child being sick. When the child is healthy and sleeps well, the family will also reduce a lot of arguments and scolding.

In short, the characteristics of the child's body also create emotions of joy, sadness, happiness, optimism, anxiety, stress, fatigue... in the mother.

In general, there are many factors that affect a mother’s emotions. These are the main factors, but we also think that an optimistic personality, economic status, and sense of happiness… also partly affect a first-time mother’s emotions.

2.4. Knowledge and experience in raising children of young mothers

This will be a factor that greatly affects the mother's emotions in the process of raising children. If women equip themselves with the best knowledge of raising children by reading information on mass media, reading books, sharing from previous generations, friends... certainly when they "get involved" they will be very confident with their own way. Of course, their emotions in specific situations: children are sick, have fever, are not eating well, are crying... are not too

stressed or scared when seeing their child like that. They worry about their child with motherly love, easily overcoming this without much difficulty.

However, each child has different physical characteristics, sometimes rigidly applying what is taught in the book is not an effective solution. At this point, the experience of a real child-raiser is needed. In terms of knowledge, according to our research, today women are always proactive in all tasks, even in caring for and raising children, so they have enough knowledge and understanding about child care. But besides that, the lack of experience makes mothers feel confused, worried, and stressed when their children encounter problems that are not mentioned in books or shared by relatives. When we asked the question "After having a child, what worries you the most?", the thing that worries mothers the most is "the couple has no experience in raising children" (66.7%). This number shows that the experience of raising children for first-time mothers is the top priority. Mothers always wonder how to raise their children well? How to eat properly...? Countless questions are asked by inexperienced mothers in raising children. Some are even clumsy when it comes to feeding, changing diapers, bathing their children... knowledge has been read, but in reality, not all mothers are proficient and confident in doing these things.

In this research, we have not had the opportunity to study mothers who have given birth for the second time. However, in reality, in situations such as when the child is sick, has a fever, is teething, has intestinal problems, has anorexia... due to previous experience in raising children, these mothers are less likely to fall into a state of stress, fatigue or worry. As for mothers who have given birth for the first time, due to not having enough knowledge and not having experienced such things, when they encounter feelings of sadness, anxiety, and stress, they easily "overwhelm" the mother, even causing psychological imbalance.

2.5. The unity of husband and wife in the issue of child rearing

Conflicts occur when everyone thinks their way is right, the other is wrong, and they insist on doing things their way. According to psychologist Tran Hong Ha, Deputy Director of the Love - Marriage - Family Counseling Center under the Vietnam Youth Union, conflicts in child-rearing methods are one of the most common reasons for conflicts between couples. Ms. Ha said that, right from the time they get married and have children, couples should talk to each other about how to raise children to have a unified opinion on this matter. However, in reality, very few people do this, only when there are disagreements about how to care for and educate children, couples begin to pay attention to this matter. Conflicts appear when everyone thinks their way is right, criticizing the other. Psychologist Hong Ha said that when couples disagree about children, the suffering will double because not only will both people be sad and tired, but it will also affect the psychological development and personality of the child.

When a couple disagrees on how to raise their children, arguing about this issue will create tension in the family and make the mother sad.

When stressed, sad, easily irritable, scolding children, the family atmosphere is heavy. When this conflict becomes a big problem, "disagreement between you and your husband" (8.3%) becomes the biggest sadness today. Or creating the most stress for mothers, when we asked "I think the thing that stresses me the most is...", 13% were due to disagreement between husband and wife in raising children. Moreover, mothers cannot help but worry, fear family matters, parents' conflicts children have to bear (13.3%). When there is a conflict between husband and wife about how to raise children, many women also try to find a way to resolve it so that the family is not heavy. Ms. H - Thanh Tri District said

know: “My husband and I rarely have conflicts about this issue, but sometimes we disagree about raising children, but when my husband is happy about other things such as: success in work, I whisper to my husband to analyze right and wrong, so that we can both come to an agreement.” Besides, there are wives who are always comfortable in this matter because their husbands let them decide how to raise their children or completely support their wives' way of raising their children. When encountering problems of disagreement, finding a common voice in raising children, mothers have many ways to solve this. Some are resolute, some follow their husbands, and discuss with their husbands. According to the test results we obtained: 3 subjects avoided mentioning this issue, the remaining 57 subjects shared “when my husband does not agree on how to raise children, I often……” they argued with their husbands; got angry (10.5%); ignored but then thought to themselves, am I wrong?; discuss to find common views to reach agreement (14%); do it my way (15.8%); analyze for husband to understand and support (15.8%); listen to husband's opinion; find more books and newspapers to read before deciding; sit and listen and draw experience to improve; tell mother to find a solution.

No matter how it is resolved, when a couple does not share the same views on raising children, it creates feelings of stress, fatigue, and boredom for the mother. It affects the relationship between the couple for better or worse. In fact, couples who disagree on raising children are not many, only a small number. Therefore, most mothers are supported by their husbands, which makes them feel comfortable and secure in raising their children.

In the case where the man does not share with his wife in raising the children, the wife raises them however she wants, without caring, only worrying about the economy, food, clothing, and shopping for the family, making the mothers feel upset and frustrated. There are even some women who "do not get their husbands to share in raising the children".

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