Loneliness and longing all come from the poet's own ego. That is the burning desire in love with a special personality of Doan Thi Lam Luyen.
2.2.1. Ego – the passionate, intense lover
Love is a major theme that covers almost all of Doan Thi Lam Luyen's works. Love is like the source, but also the driving force that nurtures and promotes creative inspiration, and is also a big river, an ocean, an oasis, a promised land for her parched heart to turn to. Of the four published poetry collections, three have titles directly related to love: If I miss a girl, My sister's husband, Crazy love . Lam Luyen's love and hate are never half-hearted, bold and decisive to the point of reckless instinct. For her, not loving is not living: "My heart is parched - Your love is the flying rain". Just like that, loving poetry creates words. Loving to write, writing to love more. Love becomes a value, an ideal to live and die for: "All my life I search for love".
The young man Xuan Dieu in the past eagerly loved, urged to love, but found that "love is to die a little inside". For Lam Luyen, love is to be rich, to be fertile, to reproduce with the magical power "Today's love is a seed. Early tomorrow it will turn into a forest" ( Love ). Love is synonymous with dedication, a sacred dedication not only to one's lover, but also to one's life, to art, to poetry: "Love to the point of destroying one's life for poetry" ( Love for poetry ).
Love begins with nostalgia, the vibrations of loving hearts make the poet not hesitate to express his feelings to his lover:
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I just hope you come home, even if only once.
No need to listen to what you say, just look at each other...
( I hope you)
That longing and longing is woven from faith and love, and that alone is enough for a loving heart to feel “Just looking at each other/ Is enough to make us feel full and warm”. Love and longing are two sides of love, the more passionate the love, the more intense the longing. Lam Luyen also admits that, but Lam Luyen’s longing is not a constant longing that is sent into everyday feelings like Y Nhi’s.
Which city now March
But the nostalgia is as glaring as fire. The tree-lined streets, the streams of people and vehicles.
What does not remind me of you?
( March 1977, Y Nhi)
It is not like the nostalgia that Xuan Quynh sent into Song with all the emotions of nostalgia, very strong but also full of the subtlety of a heart burning with the desire for love.
Oh the waves miss the shore
Can't sleep day and night
( Waves – Xuan Quynh)
It is not the same nostalgia as Lam Thi My Da, imprinted on thousands of leaves in a moment of astonishment when she stood under the green canopy of trees - where they used to date - to send a kiss to the sky.
I walk in the season of young leaves, stunned by the shapes of the leaves
Missing someone
I send kisses to the sky…
( Like Leaves – Lam Thi My Da)
For Lam Luyen, love must be associated with the gnawing emotions of nostalgia, and her nostalgia is very violent but also full of strangeness:
A day away from you
With a year of love and longing, the past three days
The past four days
Rewind time
A series of scary days
( Sparkling memories )
Time is the sworn enemy of love, especially those who are living and waiting for love. Here time has been metaphysically transformed into nostalgia.
of a lover. All of Lam Luyen's love and longing are accumulated in one day, which is equal to the longing of a year. The lyrical subject has strung together a series of days of longing - making the invisible visible. That longing reveals a heart that loves passionately, intensely, and is full of steadfast loyalty. That longing makes "her" stay awake all night:
Open the door waiting for you
Stimulating memories
I light gold all year round
( Angry at you but still angry )
It is like embers blown away by the wind of love:
Buried in the wind
Burning with an endless longing
( Love Rain )
Love is a deep longing, counting every day, every night, every moment to wait. That longing is fueled by the burning and instinctive love of a woman who is "foolishly in love". How many people dare to express it like Lam Luyen?
It's been three days, honey. It's been four days, honey. My heart is aching.
My insides are in turmoil. Where is the joy?
Where?
Come back to me for a moment…
( Sparkling memories )
Perhaps for her, counting time in love is too difficult with the longing that keeps piling up with the counting. The fragile and simple wish of “come back to me for a moment” will also partly fill the love that is filling her heart. And even if she has to wait, it is still a very precious happiness:
I'm still waiting I'm still waiting
Even though it's just a legend in love
( Legendary )
With a heart that loves like crazy, like madness, a sensitive heart, a passionate soul and a heart that has experienced the bitterness and sweetness of love, she has revealed to readers unique nuances of love:
If happiness cannot be forever, madness must be worthy of passion.
( Call Thuy Kieu )
Can only be crazy, crazy can not be just once Crazy so that this world does not imitate Crazy so that white and black do not understand
…
To laugh at me forever
( Wild cloud)
Not many people are like Lam Luyen, to describe the shades of her love so crazily, she used the word "crazy" to express the madness, the intensity of someone who is infatuated with love. No one is like her who admits to being crazy when in love, because crazy is an abnormal state, or the abnormality of people who are unable to control their personal emotions. You have to be crazy in love to the point of infatuation, crazy to dare to express it in that abnormal shade. Perhaps when the heart truly loves someone, being a little crazy is also normal for those who are living in love. And because everyone knows that crazy is the highest state of love, loving to the point of being infatuated, loving to the point of forgetting everything around you, loving to the point of not understanding black and white. That is the desire, the passion of a person who is looking for happiness:
I am longing to find
A love just for me
( Search )
Just because of believing and loving to such a burning extent, half of one's life is still gullible, foolish, and shallow in believing in words of love, still satisfied by those sweet words of love:
Half my life I still dream
So very pleased with the love words compared like that
( Don't promise to give each other )
It is true when people say girls love with their ears, and I am the same, I believe and love the man of my life just because of those sweet "words of love".
Lam Luyen accidentally carried in her heart a fickle woman, so burning herself out when in love was a natural thing:
If the girl's heart
The more intense love
( Old bamboo )
My side is on fire
( Star change )
And to have such a burning and longing love is not easy, it is exchanged for a fierce and painful battle:
I took you from that woman.
Like that woman snatched him from another woman's hands
( War )
The love war between women is no less fierce and fierce, its destructive power is always persistent and smoldering in the hearts of women who are full of suspicion and sentimentality. Joy will make people forget faster than sadness, and the nature of women in love is often selfish and the pain caused by love war is often not easy to forget. Happiness does not come easily to women who fight to win men, the battle to win back men's love is not easy. And surely that woman is also aware that the happiness she has just won is also very fragile, easily broken. Therefore, she must never rest on her laurels.
always remind yourself to be strong and alert in this war. And of course, God always endowed women with a sensitive sense to the unpredictable changes in love, Lam Luyen herself admitted that:
He was weak and lazy.
The prey of the magical barbaric war
I was shocked to think that one day you would leave.
( War )
Therefore, the happiness of love for Lam Luyen must be built on a solid foundation, not something to be fought for or borrowed. Happiness cannot be obtained by fighting for it, sometimes it is as simple as the way you and I exchange love. No matter how much loss or disadvantage we have to endure, love for Lam Luyen is never enough: "Love again, love until the next life with the soul" ( Love until the next life ). Therefore, Lam Luyen never has to hide her feelings from anyone, she boldly and frankly reveals her way of loving through her poems. In her poems, couples in love must be inseparable individuals, but must blend together:
When we love each other, we are one. You and I are not easily split in two.
( Two halves )
Few people dare to love and confess boldly like Lam Luyen:
I love someone With the raging of a snowstorm
( The Forgotten Moon )
“Feverish” is a verb that expresses a human psychological state when passionate about something. And for me, that passion is “loving someone”. Because of that passion, there were times when I was not clear-headed and sober enough to realize the bitterness in love and my “misperception” was the blindness of love:
You are as delusional as I am
Also love to death the person I love
( Younger sister )
Not only “me” but also Lam Luyen sometimes has to fall into a state of unconsciousness in love, sometimes reason no longer has meaning once the heart is infatuated, crazy because of love. And always, when in love, people always want to have an ideal, perfect love, it must be a warm love: “You are gentle, you are tolerant/ You are the last spark of my life”; a love that makes the heart restless: “You are the slanting crescent moon/ Letting me hear the sound of chickens all night long”; but sometimes that love also has a philosophy:
I don't want to be like Xuy Van, a fool all my life. Why swear, why keep an oath?
If happiness cannot be forever, madness must be worthy of passion.
( Call Thuy Kieu )
But rarely is love so clear-headed and cold. Women are often gullible and weak, so the consequences of blind love are "missing one girl", "missing all ten husbands", "foolish love", that's why it's like that. Just like Thi Mau in the past:
Father often scolded me for being foolish, even taking away all the pillars of the house.
( Sing along with Thi Mau )
Lam Luyen loves blindly, loves to the point of always worshiping and exalting her lover – the person who makes her infatuated and passionate. In the eyes of the poet – the person who is in love with a burning love – that person is always idealized to perfection with wonderful virtues and the highest authority:
I have it all
Talent, strength, power I am a luxurious beggar
One afternoon, I passed by your house.
( Guest )
Longing for love, immersed in self-decorated illusions, in Lam Luyen the image of the lover is always "sacred":
You are like a gift from heaven.
I can't keep the miracle like there is a hand of fate
Shocked eyes met…
( His words on the sea )
Passionate and naively confident, regardless of the real circumstances, that woman is ready to loudly "challenge" all the harsh challenges of life:
Hardship or separation makes us love each other even more. And with you then
Love is multiplication
( Multiplication )
And Lam Luyen, with all the sentimentality and clumsiness of a woman, "mortgaged" all her faith in love, even though it was only one-sided and unrequited:
Even though we can't date, I'll still wait and be drunk.
Even if Ngau is far away, Ngau will meet again. Kim and Kieu missed each other.
It can't be forever, I'm still waiting.
still waiting
Even though it's just a legend of love
( Legendary )
No matter how calm, strong and fierce you are, you cannot avoid feeling sorry for yourself when you accept that you are the one who comes later, with many disadvantages and sufferings:
Once you were sister, now you are brother.
Must be husband and wife, continue the red thread
…